its time for me to update my blog again. ytd i ended work at 6pm and went straight home to bath & had dinner before gg for ktv session with cheryl, kw, mandy, jayme & geoffrey. we sang for 4 hours. from 0830 to 1230. thereafter, we went to have minced meat noodle before heading back home. reached home bout 2am. was very tired..

bff mandy went home with me & we chatted till 4.30am in the morning. she slept with me. it was nice chatting with her & she gave me some advice. at least i have someone who's willing to listen. i felt so upset & i have no one to turn to. all i do is.. cry. till now my eyes is swollen. i stopped myself from doing that but i cant help when my tears are rolling down my cheeks. i really dont know what to do & i felt so useless. this is the first time i've ever felt this way.

not feeling well today as my aunt's here to visit me these few days.. & having ulcer too. stomach's not feeling well either. so i had porridge with mandy @ PS today before heading to suntec. bought my things & we went to have waffle ice-cream. *thumbs up* next, we went back to PS, had dinner @ LAO BEI JING. seafood fried rice, xiao long bao & mango with sago pomelo. *superb* loves the dessert best. service was bad though. after dinner, we walk to taka awhile & back home. mandy went home today as her meimei miss her.

went back alone & took bus 190. cried in the bus. i know its stupid. but i hold back abit. but when i alighted, i walked fast cause i dont wanna let pp saw me crying. i walked to a place where there's no one and sat down. i cried doubly hard and a cat was walking towards me and saw me cry. normally i will scared of cats.. but this time i never. somehow, i think that the cat wants me to stop crying. from the way it looks at me. so, i calm down awhile & dry my tears before gg back home. i dont want my mum to see me cry. she will question me why.. i should stop crying. my eyes is so dry now.. i hate myself to the core. tmr morning, i will be better.

starts off with a happy face in the morning & ended my day with a sad face. its not easy for me to express my feelings here. this will be a long entry. please have patience while reading it. its saturday and i'am extremely depressed. the more i ignore, the more it pulls me down. its really hurting & i told myself to hold back my tears. i feel that all my effort has gone down to drain. whenever i think back, i felt silly. i cried in the bus, cried when i'am walking, cried when i'am listening to emo songs, cried when i'am sleeping. no one will ever know how i feels.

i want to thanks mandy for being by my side when i'am feeling down. thanks for the hug. you know that, at that point of time, i wanna cry out but i'am holding back.. cause i dont want to let you see how upset i am. i really need a pair of shoulders to lean on. i really cant take it. i know somehow, i must be strong. like what mandy told me. i'am grateful to have you as my friend. you sent 5 pages of sms to me & when i started reading the first few words, i cried out.

i know i shouldnt look back. but i just feel extremely upset. you told me that i'am not a loser, and you know that i've given in my effort. thanks for that. cause i really have given in.. somehow, i feels that i've changed. right now, i just wanna be alone. i dont need anyone to console me. cause there's a sentence saying, when i fall, i must learn to stand up by myself. all i need is time to heal. time will prove everything. i'am tired to say anything. i know i can do it.. i'am staying @ home often nowadays. sighs. i know i've tried my best. only contact & hang out with bff mandy, cheryl, kw most often. if not, will be home watching tv & surf net. its boring. wanna watch movie..

i wonder how is he doing.. i care for him.. i wanna let him know how i feel. i dont know will he be reading this entry.. but i wanna let him know that i love him alot.. please take good cares of yourself.. and when it rains, cover with a blanket. please be happy & be fine always. goodbye my lover.

alrights, elaine, please be strong after all this. what's meant to be yours it will be yours. drink more water & have a good rest tonight. tmr will be a better day. stay happy. dont dwell over it. the pain will go away. it feels so much better whenever i cry each time. i will love myself even more. i dont need bf for now.. it will only cause hurt to me. it really takes two hands to clap. learn to cherish before it turns out to be too late.

regarding my work, i'am quitting this month. now, i've two banks to choose. first, OCBC. second, UOB. i want more benefits and definitely higher pay so i can give my mum more allowance.

i wanna thanks my mum for bringing me up. it wasnt easy for her to raise us up. i'am proud of her. she's a good mum, just that she's naggy at times. sometimes, i felt sorrow for her. so i try to acc her as much as i could. deep down, i know she's sad too. i hope her leg can recover soon. i ask her not to work, and stay at home cause i have started working.. and she dont have to worry bout us as we've all grown up but she does not want to. therefore, she says will retire in 2 years' time. sometimes, she cares for my brother alot, i felt jealous. shows favoritism. all mum does that. but still, she's my mum.. so i care for her..

gg off to rest now.. after a long day.. nights everyone.. looking forward to ; 海派甜心 ; Hi My Sweetheart ♥ Episode 11.

p/s: the life and love we create is the life and love we live ♥

Elaine.NG エレン
Sweet-Twenty24
13 Sept 1989
Zodiac: Virgo
Crossover;Singaporean